Negaview

Ahhh Fable.  That overhyped, overpromised Microsoft exclusive RPG.  Fable exists on the premise of the players ability to dynamically affect the world of Albion.  The Fable series has sold over 5 million copies on both the xbox and xbox 360.  I would say that’s pretty successful, so how could i possibly hate it?

Peter Molyneaux the games lead designer has a history of over promising and under delivering with Fable.  He promises a game where the players actions affect the game world, along with a riveting emotional storyline.  He misses on both marks.  On top of this the NPCs of Fable are supposed to realistically react to the player, be he (or she) good or evil.  How can you tell an NPCs reaction to your actions?  Little icons that float over their heads.  Apparently running into the middle of a town, dancing and cracking jokes makes people like you, and women want to have sex with you.  Speaking of sex i think i must be hanging out with the wrong people because according to fable you can just compliment a woman by giving her a thumbs up then giving her a flower to get her all hot and bothered.

Where else did this game go wrong?  It promised a lush open world.  Perhaps i was expecting too much, because to me, a lush open world = grand theft auto 4.  Meaning i don’t want to see a fucking load screen everytime i run 50 paces.  Even the towns have separate areas for christs sake!  Oh, and good luck making heads or tails out of the world map.

Molyneaux also promised simple but deep combat.  Another miss!  Noticing a trend here?  Here’s how combat works.  X attacks, Y shoots your gun or bow, and B does magic.  You can do all the basic stuff like rolling to evade, light attacks, heavy attacks and blocks.  In all honesty this is what combat boils down to.  Hold down the B button with the lightning magic equiped.  Shock all the enemies around you then attack with the X button.  Every now and then you might throw in a heavy attack by holding down X.  Well…. he certainly got simple right.

As far as an epic emotional storyline…  Lets just say the final boss battle is with a floating triangle. Yes, that’s right…. a fucking triangle.  Epic.  As for the emotion, i felt nothing for any characters including my own wife and children in the game.  Then again it’s always possible i’m just a cold bastard.  No, i didn’t even care when my dog died.

As you can see i had a lot of problems with Fable 2.  What i’ve listed actually just scratches the surface.  I didn’t even get into the horrendous co-op where both people share the same camera…. who thought that was a good idea???  In fact the most fun i had with this game was serving beers at the bar to earn enough money to buy up all the property in the game.  That, my friends, is pathetic.